My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
