I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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