if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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