This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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