I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
