I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
