If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
