I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
