I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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