i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
