let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
