i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
now i know why i became what i already was.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The best revenge is premature balding
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
