My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
