i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I had to cum in my sink.
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