whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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