I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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