Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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