Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
