I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
