I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
NoShamevember. You game?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
