You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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