I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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