i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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