my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
