My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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