I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
