Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize