My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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