i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
