im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
