Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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