OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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