If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
