Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
