It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize