So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Green mimosas i think yes
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
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