its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
