While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
