he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
