Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No stitches, just platelets and will power
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
