It's like God shit irony all over that family
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
