she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
