We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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