the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
