Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How does it feel to date your dad?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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