i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just made my gag reflex go away.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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