So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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