apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
