I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
