you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
