I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
