My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
