I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am naked and annoyed.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
