im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
