fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
