i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
