So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize