Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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