we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
