I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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