she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
