you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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