apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
