I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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