is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
